did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
