Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
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It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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