My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
