But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
