My underwear smells like fireworks.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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