I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I'm passing your future prison.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
