I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
