HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
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