So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
