We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
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I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
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That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
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