I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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