The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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