They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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