You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Randomize
