I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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