It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
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