two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
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