I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
