Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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