Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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