Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize