you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
