Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
