remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
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I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
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Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
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