Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
