id be glad to
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
