Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
