Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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