i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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