You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
