he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
