it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Randomize
