The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
