Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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