who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize