Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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