I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
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