my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
