I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
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