Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
