I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
