Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
It's official drugs can't kill me
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
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