I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
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