i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Congratulations! We have a period
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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