He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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