Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I am available for nakedness
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Randomize