I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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