I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
