If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."