dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?