"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
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Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
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Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.