So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...