i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.