Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...