woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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