I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
