I'd wear matching sweaters with you
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Boobs speak an international language.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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