Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
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i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
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Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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