me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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