and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
