so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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