I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
No subtext here. People are naked.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
