Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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