is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
