I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
