finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
