they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
