I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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