used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
