I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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