Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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