Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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