Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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