So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
