My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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