And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
