Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
