I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
