my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
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