I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
