she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
