trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
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