wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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