Jerry, you need to find god
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
