What did we do last night that was yellow?
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Randomize
