i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Randomize
