Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
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